I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
