just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
