i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
