My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
