i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
