I faked an abortion last night.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
