Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
