I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Randomize
