his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
