Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
