and you said cock pushups were impossible
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
