dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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