So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Ladies don't puke and tell
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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