The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
