Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
