Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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