Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize
