yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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