You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Two words: blizzard sex
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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