I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
