I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
