i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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