it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
sex in a hospital.. check
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
