So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
