I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
