But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
