You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
