I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
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