so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
