like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
This toilet bowl is my home.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
