I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
