A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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