Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
