I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
