I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
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