You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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