marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
