Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
