i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
My bed smells like the plague
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I see more hoeing in ur future
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
