Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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