Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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