You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
