I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
