he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
This is the high leading the old right now
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
