you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
