its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
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