fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
