I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
