i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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