i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
