o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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