So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
