I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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