just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
