i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
