come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
